This is intended to be the eighth article in a series I’m working on about trying different mindfulness and coping skills from the website DBT: Dialectical Behavior Therapy (https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/). I’m doing these practices because my therapist thought they would be good for me—and honestly, I’ve been curious to see whether they actually make any difference in my everyday life.
When I first read about the Wise Mind exercise in DBT, I thought, Surely there must be more to it. After all, it was just two instructions: ask your Wise Mind what it thinks, and listen for the answer. That’s it. No elaborate visualization, no flow chart of coping strategies—just a question and a pause.
I’ll be honest: I wasn’t sure something this basic could be useful. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized that the simplicity is the entire point. It’s almost uncomfortable to slow down enough to hear what the quieter part of you already knows.
In DBT, Wise Mind is described as the place where Emotion Mind and Reasonable Mind overlap. Emotion Mind is the part of you that wants to react right now, usually in a way you might regret later. Reasonable Mind is the cool, detached part that tries to logic everything away. Wise Mind is somewhere in between—a kind of steady observer who can hold both truth and feeling at the same time.
The exercise is exactly as minimal as it sounds. You start by naming whatever is bothering you. Then you imagine asking this balanced part of yourself for guidance. You wait to see what comes up. Sometimes it’s a sentence or an image; sometimes it’s more like a feeling or an inner nudge.
It can feel anticlimactic, especially if you’re used to thinking that self-help should be more complicated. I kept wondering if I was “doing it wrong” because there wasn’t a big moment of clarity or a rush of relief. But eventually, I realized that Wise Mind isn’t about instant answers—it’s about creating the smallest possible gap between your emotion and your reaction. Even if nothing profound happens in that pause, you’ve still interrupted the cycle of acting on autopilot.
To be clear, there are plenty of situations where this will feel awkward. If you’re in the middle of a heated argument, or you’re replaying something hurtful over and over in your head, sitting quietly and asking your Wise Mind for input can seem almost silly. But that’s also when it’s most valuable. When everything in you wants to respond immediately, even a moment of checking in can help you make a decision you won’t second-guess later.
If you’re curious to try it, here’s how it goes:
- Name the problem clearly. Even just saying it in your head can help you feel less overwhelmed.
- Take a few slow breaths. You don’t have to be perfectly calm, just a little more present.
- Ask your Wise Mind what it knows about this situation. Imagine you’re consulting the part of you that has perspective.
- Listen without judging the answer. Maybe it’s obvious. Maybe it’s just, “Wait.” That counts too.
You can also picture Wise Mind however you want—a calm version of yourself, a trusted mentor, even an imaginary animal. There are no rules about how it has to look or sound.
I’m still practicing this myself. Sometimes it feels like nothing happens, and sometimes it feels like the smallest, quietest voice is exactly the one I needed to hear.
If you decide to try it, consider writing down what comes up. Even a few words can help you see patterns over time. And if it feels too simple, remind yourself that simple doesn’t mean easy. Often, the hardest thing is just pausing long enough to listen.
